Powerfully Beautiful
by Punk Knut
Summary: Welcome to Lily's World. She's blunt, she's out there. And if you read it, you'll know all about it, hopefully in detail. ;).
1. Introducing Me

Powerfully Beautiful: Chapter One  
  
Summary: Welcome to Lily's World. She's blunt, she's out there. And if you read it, you'll know all about it, hopefully in detail. ;).  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, if you don't get it, read it again.  
  
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Chapter One: Introducing... Me!  
  
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Okay, check this. I'm Lily Evans and welcome to my world.  
  
I'm not the sort of person to write diaries, although if you really thought about it, I could be. But then again, if you did think that, you don't know me that well. For one, I suppose I'm a bit of a bookworm, but I have to be. Do you know what it's like competing with students from magical families? I guess you don't. Well I do, so let me fill you in. IT'S BLOODY HARD! They know everything, I swear. I have to study twice as hard just to be near the top. It's people like James that rub it in, even if they don't mean to.  
  
James Potter, now there's a person that can really make you stop and pay attention, even if it is just for the stupidest comment or smile. You try to fight it, but he pulls you in. Only the Slytherins can resisit him. I once caught myself wondering if I could resist him if I was Slytherin, then I thought I could have killed myself for wanting to be Slytherin. I could never be so cold and heartless, like Severus Snape. James is like the complete opposite of Snape, and people say opposites attract, boy are they wrong. Snape and James would never call a truce, EVER! The only thing they had in common was big heads and stubbornness.  
  
James was famous for being stubborn, just like his best friend, Sirius Black. Sirius was another person that could pull you in so deeply, but not just for his main person, his charm and looks were what really got you. Sure, James had looks and charm, but it was a known fact more girls were after Sirius than James. The thought of those girls infuriated me. How degrading, how embarrassing to be apart of the same species as those girls. James and Sirius only saw them as carpet, to be used as a path for what they wanted, no feelings involved.   
  
It was hard to believe that boys like that were so sweet and sensitive. I know they would kill me if they ever read that line, but I would kill them first for reading my diary, so I guess we're even. The words sweet and sensitive make you think of another member of their crowd, Remus. Remus Lupin, what character. He's so witty and smart, yet sweet and desirable. I know, you're thinking, what kind of guy could have that all in one? Well he does exist, but until the cloak Sirius and James' antics and persona. He's well hidden in the corner of the library or in the Gryffindor Common Room under a pile of text, catching up on his studies or planning something mischevious, you never know with those boys, they're just one big mystery.  
  
The last mystery in their crowd is Peter, Peter Pettigrew. Peter is sweet, but you can't see it as he acts so rudely half the time. He's so busy obbsessing over the fame of Sirius and James, he doesn't know where his manners get to. He has his barriers, always in the shadows, never in the limelight. Always second rate, always so counteristic. His looks don't compare to those of his three best friends, so even just a friend comment of how smart his hair looks he takes as sarcasm. If only Sirius wouldn't pick on him so. Sirius would flip his hair, like the backstreet-boy wanna-be he pretends to be and comments on how Peter should try something with his.  
  
I can't believe how thoughtless those boys can be sometimes. Always so hurtful and overly compensative in all the wrong areas. They're so frustrating. Especially James Potter. That boy can get on your nerves with the slightest wave or shortest comment. He just makes me so mad. And he's so immature, always immature. You'd think after six years at Hogwarts he'd turn over a new leaf this year. But he's just as frustrating and just as competitive. I know he likes me, but what if it's a joke? I can't let myself fall for something like that, not again.  
  
Why do people have to be so selfish and hateful. Like my sister, Petunia. No matter how hard I try she just rejects my love. I pity her, even thought my pity makes her angrier. She's so alone and Mother and Father always block her out. No wonder she's so jealous of me. I don't wish her to envy, i sometimes evny her. Her freedom to be imperfect, impure. She could get the lowest grades and they wouldn't care. But I couldn't, Father says I should try harder, because magical life should be more difficult than muggle life. How would he know? Born a muggle, not a trace of magic in him. Why can't I be imperfect? Why?  
  
I know I sound ungrateful for the glorious gift I've been given, but give me a break. Impurity just seems a stones throw away, but still out of my reach. I can't let them down. My Parents, Dumbledore, the Marauders, everyone. They expect me to be better, like it comes naturally to me. Like the bounce my step was there from birth. Like I'd never done anything wrong.   
  
There is one reason why I love Slytherins, they expect me to be impure, because I'm muggle born. I suppose I was wrong, not everyone expected me to be better, just everyone that matters.   
  
It's such a stupid word, matters. How on earth did they come up with a meaning for it. How do you discribe it? How can it be defined. It could have multiple meanings, if you think about it. I suppose it's someone or something which means something to you, but I don't know, it just feels like it has a deeper purpose, don't you think?  
  
I suppose if you reads this you'd think I was insane, I don't have the usual thinking span of a average person, at least that's what I've been told. I'm just weird, but you gotta love me. Well you don't, but come out ;).  
  
It's weird, mostly in diaries people explain their day, I'll get to that, when I'm finished here. I suppose I'm almost done, almost.  
  
I haven't really spoken of myself, more of important people in my life.   
  
Well how do you define Lily Evans? I guess you can't. If I can't you can't.  
  
I'm an average kind of girl, kinda. I think I'm average, the only problem is getting everyone else to believe it. Which is hard, harder than you can imagine.  
  
Here, Facts About Lily Evans:  
  
1) I'm just seventeen.  
  
2) I'm a girl.  
  
3) My friends are James, Sirius, Remus and Peter.  
  
4) My sister is Petunia Evans.  
  
5) I got to Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry.  
  
6) I'm proudly Gryffindor.  
  
7) I'm running out of facts.  
  
8) Please do not tell anyone, but I actually kinda have a slight itty-bitty mini crush on James, Shhh!!! He can NEVER know.  
  
9) I love reading and writing, thus why I'm writing a diary.  
  
10) I think facts are stupid and boring, I wish I'd brought a correction pen to white-out this ink.  
  
I suppose I better end this entry soon, I need sleep, it was the first day on school today and I need sleep if I'm gunna meet the boys early for breakfast tomorrow. Not that James, Sirius and Peter will wake up early enough. They consider early as not missing first class. Off I go into the world I call reality.  
  
See ya, Diary.  
  
-Love Lily.  
  
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END CHAPTER:  
  
This is only the first chapter, duh! Lol, anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Tell me EXACTLY what you think, okay, exactly!!!! No, "Update soon, PLEASE!!!" kind of review, I HATE them, thus why the hate is in capitals.  
  
See you next chapter,  
  
- Charisma-J. 


	2. The brush of my hand

**Powerfully Beautiful: Chapter Two  
**  
**Summary:** Welcome to Lily's World. She's blunt, she's out there. And if you read it, you'll know all about it, hopefully in detail. ;).  
  
**Disclaimer:** See previous chapter.  
  
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**Chapter Two:** _The brush on my hand...  
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Okay, I'm back. You won't believe the day I'm just had, diary. It's almost too hard to believe. And it's only the second day back at school. Boy, that James Potter sure has some nerve. You've got no clue what I'm going on about so I'll fill you in. Right from the start, here goes...  
  
So, this morning I woke up, totally content to spending the day joking with my friends, not that I'd lag in class or anything; I won't forget what my father said. I glanced at my watch and almost fainted, I had woken up late. LATE, diary. I know you're thinking this isn't exactly a big thing, but it is for me, I'm Lily Evans, I'm never late, ever. So I was in a complete rush. And in my rush you won't believe what I forgot.  
  
My Transfiguration text.  
  
But of course, I didn't know that at the time. So I grabbed my pre-packed book bag and bolted out of Gryffindor Tower and down into the Great Hall. I took a seat next to Remus, luckily, I didn't want James googling at me instead of his food. He had a way of doing that when I sat next to him.  
  
Remus was quietly reading, as usual. I would have probably brought out a book at the time, but I hadn't eaten a thing, I was totally famished. James had, thankfully, saved at least one pancake for me. Peter had a way of eating everything on his plate, and he would take the entire plate if you weren't careful.  
  
Breakfast had to be the most calming part of my morning. Actually, Charms, which was my first class, wasn't a trouble. Except Professor Flitwick gave us a hefty essay, ON THE SECOND DAY OF SCHOOL! I swear, professors shouldn't be able to do that. And I caught Severus Snape smirking at him when Flitwick announced we had an essay. I have no idea what is wrong with that boy. No matter how hard I try to be nice to him, be just hates me more for it. He's just a little prejudice prick, all because I'm a muggleborn; or in his words, a Mudblood. I happen to be quite proud to be muggleborn thank you very much.  
  
So Flitwick dismissed us at the end of the period, duh! And we all tottered off to Transfiguration. Where, unfortunately, I was seated next to James. This was the point where I realised I forgot my text. You should have seen the look in James' eyes when he realised I had to SHARE with HIM. I gave Remus, Peter and Sirius the most pleading looks to change with me, but those boys were absolutely no help. Left me there, with James. I will get them back, you mark my words.   
  
Sure, I've got nothing against James, it's just he's a little over-obsessive. I think it's the fact that I'm one of the only things in his life that he's truly wanted and been denied. So he just tried harder. It is hard to resist. He does have a sweet little heart under all that big-headedness. You just have to know where to look.  
  
I don't know how many times James tried to catch my eye during that period, I swear, I lost count at thirty-seven. He just wouldn't stop. Continuously pretending to 'accidentally' brush my hand as I tried to turn the page, or asking me things continuously, just to hear my voice; He almost got me in trouble. It was cute, in an immature, boyish kind of way. But I can't play him along, not until I know my true feelings.  
  
I think my true feelings are rather masked, even to me. I think ambition and determination get in the way a little too much. But I have to look out for me. I can't go gallavanting off with any old boy, just because I have a crush on them. I need to keep my head down and study, right?  
  
Oh, who am I kidding? I like James, I like him alot. I suppose today wasn't so terrible. I did get a funny feeling in my stomach when James' hand brushed over mine. And when he caught my eye while McGonagall was explaining to Sirius why he should be paying attention, instead of transfiguring the legs of his table, which wasn't pleasing Remus might I add.  
  
So it's settled, I have a thing for James, okay, more than a thing. I have an itty-bitty big thing for him. But what am I to do now. I can't just tell him, he'd think I was joking, and I'd hurt him. And what if this is all a marauder prank with me? I've seen Sirius and James do it to so many girls. It's so cruel, and the look in those girls eyes when they laugh in her face. I don't know why I care for them so, when they're so mean, I guess you just can't help it. They're just irresistable, i s'pose. They're like a magnet, and you can't control whether you're pulled in or not.  
  
Look what you've done now diary, you've distracted me, and I've lost sight of what I was writing.Oh, sugar, look at the time. I'll be late again tomorrow if I don't get to sleep soon. I'm helping James with his Charms essay tomorrow, I don't want to look all baggy, now do I. So, I will write again soon,  
  
_ - Love Lily._  
  
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**END CHAPTER.  
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_Oh that was toooooo short. Too short for my liking anyway. I want to say that I loved all your reviews. Especially Rosiem eisoR's review. I don't actually have a spell-chekcer anymore. My Microsoft Word was deleted from my computer, so I have to get Word 2003. So excuse my errors, it was twelve am and I was trying to type while my brother watched Blade 2 in the lounge room. Anyway, until next chapter..._  
  
- Charisma-J


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